'A Token of My Gratitude'

"I started feeling patently, almost titanically, gay."

David Sedaris goes to Costco.

From Dorothy.

Sites to See

Good browsing:

White Whine

Showing Christ's Love

Tainted Love

When a friend asked her husband to put out some jam the other day, he added a little something extra ...


After breakfast she found that he'd also left his touch on her computer ...


And the almond butter ...


Nothing was sacred ...


Not even cookies ...


She went to bed thinking that was it, but awoke the next morning to his coup de grâce ...

Today's Top Story

American Castles for Sale

From Riley.

Word of the Day

fritinancy

Loco Motion

"Boris Yeltsin! Get your pube helmet out of here!"

From Derek.

Among Friends

In my email today:

My mother announced about her bridge partner “Midge had a three way but she’s fine now” and then she invited Joan over for a four way.

She meant triple bypass and she and Joan were talking about solitaire you play against other people....

Source, via Peggy

Today's Top Story

The unusual uses of urine

From Riley.

'Can I Get Pregnant From This?'

"As soon as your penis touches my butthole
without me knowing, then I'm not happy."

Source

Cast Away

I had an iPod for years before I started exploring podcasts, but there are several that I've listened to regularly for a long time now. The only thing they have in common is that each offers a quirky and unique glimpse into the human experience.

• The Moth
• This American Life (or as I call it, "This American Lie")
• Savage Love
• StoryCorps
• Radiolab

I also subscribe to The New Yorker's monthly fiction podcast, which I usually enjoy, but not always.

Any recommendations?

The Late Show

Recent favorites from Sleep Talkin' Man:

"(chuckling) I'm so happy I could shit a puppy."

"Look at them staring at people like that. Your boobs are so obnoxious. Uch."

"Ugh, I know you. You're always on the corner of Fuck-off and Cunt-bag."

"Jesus nipples on ice! I am NOT going shopping for hamster wigs. No!"

"Listen: Some people play Scrabble. Some people play chess. You? You play turd puppets."

"Don't. Don't! Oh, don't exfoliate your labia."

"What I really need now is a whippet, three tubes, and a fuck-off mallet. Then it's go go go!"

'What a Ham'

"Congratulations, David Attenborough. You got
an exclusive interview with a sloth."

Word of the Day

slarf

Ostrasized

Losing weight doesn't necessarily mean a smaller size, as a friend revealed yesterday:

I think it's time I shared my giant vagina story.

A curious fact of gynecology is that the skinnier you are, the larger your diaphragm size is. [I got] very skinny in the early 1990s--108 pounds--and I had to have my diaphragm resized. I took the prescription to the local drugstore, dropped it off at the counter, and walked to the other side of the store to read magazines while I was waiting. The drugstore was mobbed, and there was a long line of people snaking past the magazine stand.

There was a mentally disabled man who had worked at the pharmacy for years. His job was to collect prescriptions, call out the names of people when their prescriptions were filled, and do checkout. He had obvious social difficulties, and a booming voice that he didn't seem to be able to modulate.

So I'm standing there reading a magazine when I hear the guy yelling, "Miss [JONES]? Miss [ANN JONES]?" I start walking toward him to get my prescription, but there are so many people teeming around the pharmacy counter that I can only get about fifteen feet away. So the guy spots me and hollers, "You are Miss [Jones]?" I tell him yes. And now everyone standing nearby is listening and looking at me, and a hush has fallen over the store.

"WE'RE SORRY," he says, loud enough to be heard outside the store, "BUT WE DON'T STOCK DIAPHRAGMS IN A SIZE LARGE ENOUGH FOR YOU. WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO SPECIAL ORDER IT."

Every single person in the drugstore turned around to look at me. I nodded and bolted for our car. [My husband] couldn't stop laughing. To this day, he likes to joke about my GIANT VAGINA.

And you thought buying condoms was embarrassing.

Straight Talk

"Do you want a side of tampons with that?"

From Terri.

Mamma Mia

When Parents Text

MOM: Off to Sarah McLachlamb concert with your dad
ME: haha spell much?
MOM: her voice is like a gentle lamb

From Riley.

Sous Me

Under Paris

I'm surprised there's no mention of the quirky Musée des Égouts, which I recommend. Unless you're claustrophobic.

From Melanie.

Today's Top Story

Display of affection

Every object tells a story and none more so than
the items donated by lovers (and ex-lovers) to
Zagreb's new Museum of Broken Relationships

From Riley.

'Sentimental Sodomy'

Pretty people and pretty things

Things can be made to precisely one's own specification, one's own ideal of beauty; things can be perfect; things, if broken, can be made again; things do not, like boys, betray their owners and run away with handsome sailors.

Thanks to Laura.

Bully for You

I've seen them all now, and I think this is my favorite:

Or maybe this one:

Cute. Smart. Funny. Nice. … Republican??? Shit.

Elizabeth Avery

Six Word Stories

Picture This

Literal.ly

Source