Beyond Bridezilla

This made my head throb. I've heard of such people but thankfully haven't known any personally. If someone sent me their bridal portrait, they could expect to see it on the Internet, shockingly defaced.

Dear Amy:

Is it okay to send pictures of our bridal portraits to high school and college friends to let them know we are getting married, even though we cannot invite them to the reception?

We have a wedding Web site and we've sent links to our family and friends, inviting everyone to the ceremony. The reception is invitation-only.

Is it appropriate to keep updating our friends who are not invited to the reception about our wedding-related planning?

I feel that they would be interested and would like to know what's going on with the wedding planning, but I don't know if they are expecting to be invited to the reception or not, or how it would feel for them not to be invited when the time comes.

Wedding Wondering


I know that this is almost impossible to believe, but nobody is interested in your wedding planning. When you're closer to the finish line, you're not even going to be interested in it. Please. Spare people. If you want to update your Web site, then fine. People can check in if they're interested. But regular updates e-mailed to friends and family? Lord, no.

Traditionally, engaged couples announce their happy news in the newspaper. Presumably, you are using a mass e-mail to this same purpose. Because you are spreading the word of your engagement far and wide, you're going to have to be very clear on a continuing basis that your reception is "invitation only" but you'd like to have friends witness your wedding if they're interested in doing so.

Separate weddings and receptions do occur in various churches and cultures, but it is unusual these days, so you're going to have to continually assert this. Some people will not understand what you're doing and will feel put out. Even if you feel you've been very clear about your wishes, expect confusion.

Brides, grooms, please read the first line of the response as many times as necessary until you feel your perspective return. Assuming you had any to begin with.