Indifferent Strokes

Years ago, we had a pair of goldfish that we named after Dan's parents: Lud and Darlene Iglfish. We thought it was a cute little tribute, but one of the namesakes felt less than honored.

"I'm going to get a couple of cheap pets and name them after you," she huffed.

We decided not to tell them when one of Lud's eyeballs fell out, leaving a spooky little porthole with a view of his brain. It was a disturbing sight, but you just had to look. Again and again. Darlene had developed a voracious appetite and grown much larger than her mate, and I could never shake the suspicion that she'd eaten his eye.

Lud died at some point, and Darlene never looked back. The merry widow just kept eating and growing. By the time we left California, she looked like a small koi.

Taken in by friends, Darlene was still alive years later when Dan went back for a visit (to the friends, not the fish). She was grotesque by then, a side-swimming monster covered with tumors. Her sight was gone, but not her appetite: she'd circle the tank with her mouth gaping open, hoping to suck in some food. Plus ça change ...