Dan: Did you fart?
Dan: That's good. I was afraid you'd crapped your pants.
Overheard by: Jack Dumpsey
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Friday, August 12, 2011
My favorite remains that of a friend's neighbor: Sweatpants Boner.
Recent favorites from Sleep Talkin' Man:
"That's what I like about you. You're a reliable disappointment."
"I am simply far too busy being passive aggressive to give a shit about you."
"I'm tired of looking for the solution to this problem. Look for someone to blame instead."
"There's a reason you're such an arsehole. You just don't have to keep telling everybody about it. People will work it out for themselves pretty quickly."
"There are times when drinking the contents of the stomach of a ten-day-old corpse is a good idea. After hanging out with you, this is one of those times. Cock off!"
"How do blind people know they're done wiping? How?"