Friday, February 25, 2011

Today's Top Stories

Thanks to Riley and Bernie.

'Who's Got the Clap?'

"I do! I do!"


Stone Age

A friend reports:
I have this Aunt Marge who spent all her adult life in Weed, CA. Now she’s 95 and living in San Jose. Well, there may be a story in her past.

Just got a call from Daddy. He had called Aunt Marge and my cousin was there – and so they spoke ... about how well Aunt Marge was doing and how happy she seemed. Anyway, my cousin (70) tells Daddy (85) that if he ever felt the need for marijuana, she could help him out.

Daddy then calls me ... wanting to know more about marijuana (he uses the full name) and if in fact I thought it might do him some good. (U@(*U!L@JIIU*UO#*&#(&*&*(%*%@&!) Then Mama (80) gets on the phone and wonders the same thing. (U@(*U!L@JIIU*UO#*&#(&*&*(%*%@&!) These people are my parents I’m talking about. We thought we KNEW these people.

Anyway … Daddy asks about my experiences with pot and I tell him – nothing big. And essentially we left it that at some point in the future – presumably when they’re about Aunt Marge’s age – they might want me to hook them up, and I assured them I would.



Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Today's Top Stories

Sources: Alan, someecards

Word of the Day

Dan coined a useful term the other day: pisstified. It's a combination of pissed and mystified. Angry and confused.

This could describe my mood at any given moment, but it stemmed specifically from my reaction to our TiVo's bizarre and infuriating habit of recording, then immediately deleting, new episodes of "Masterpiece." It doesn't do this with any other program, and the old TiVo in the bedroom has no such issues. Imagine my anguish at having to watch the first half of "Downton Abbey" in standard definition.

National Gayographic

"Ooh, look! It's chasing things and eating them."

More here.


Saturday, February 12, 2011

Overheard in the Holler

Last night, watching Richard Engel reporting from amid a throng in Cairo ...
Michael: It's kind of hot watching a Jew speak Arabic.

Dan: He's Jewish?

Michael: Richard Engel?!

Dan (skeptical): So Laura Engel was Jewish?

Michael (guessing): Laura Ingalls?


A moment later ...
Dan: You cannot put this on the blog or any social networking site.

Michael: I have to.

Overheard by: Little Jew on the Prairie


Monday, February 07, 2011

Overheard in the Holler

Dan, gazing at empty parking space: I feel like there should be a chalk outline of Marge out there, with a pile of cards and stuffed animals.

Michael: And cheap bouquets.

Overheard by: Princess Die

In His Image


Saturday, February 05, 2011

Overheard in the Holler

This morning ...
Dan: Who would steal a 10-year-old van?

Michael: Who would steal a handicap van?

Later ...
Dan: They're sending an officer over to take a report.

Michael (wistfully): I hope they send someone hot.*

Still later ...
Dan, on phone to mother-not-in-law: The officer said [minivans] are often stolen and used to commit crimes.

Michael: Like Patty Hearst.

Overheard by: Grand Theft Otto

*They didn't.
A woman at the wheel of a Sunbeam Rapier.
(Bert Hardy/Getty Images)

From Riley.

Wednesday, February 02, 2011

Today's Top Stories

Thanks to Riley and Peggy.

Noteworthy Names

Toots Bowersox
Bitzy Bowamba
Yetta Q. Hogg
Dottie Sue Maggart
Havalean McLurkin
LaDymond Sneed
Marvel Smink
Marquis Cohen
José Wong
Sandy Bible
Sandy Wood
Sandy Stone
Joyce Stone Cross
Crystal Lenz
Crystal Patriarche
Ebony King
Regis Canny
Queen Best
Caprice Royal
Norman Castles
Garland Christmas
Jolly Horn
Winki Lampe
Missy Dance
Evangeline Theologus
Hunter Peacock
Shotgun Spratling
Will Rumble
Will Power
Rose Early
Aurora Sylvan
Virginia Woods
Virginia Bridges
Brooks Rainwater
Jay Gray
Paul Wall
Bubb Rubb
William Gilliam
Robert Probert
Huyen Nguyen
Mary O'Berry
Katy O'Grady
Joan John
Leah Lee
Edie Eddy
Mary Murray
Barbara Barbee
Victoria Victory
Fernando Fernandez
Shelly de la Concha
Mary Jane Stoner
Ebony Black
Sandy Mealy
Max Lesser
Dawn DeNoon
Harry Pitts
Wiley Swett
Steele Sidebottom
Fanny Rush
John Waddle
John Sprinkle
John Fister
Hazel Rectanus
Peder Wang
Peter Funk
Peter Curley
Peter Propp
Peter Briss
Dandle Akins
Randy Cox
Mi Suk
B.J. Cobbledick
Sue Yoo
Wad Studley
Sanjaybhai Turde
Anna Graham

Jefferson Thomas
Louis Gehrig
Pearl L. Bailey
Mark Trail

Max Read, journalist
Waguih Boctor, physician
Greg Weiner, Playgirl photographer
Michael Batterberry, editor of cooking magazines
Michael Grimm, Republican congressman
Dickie Arbiter, royal press secretary
John Nelley, homosexual
Steven Queen, homosexual

Dr. E. Mark Haacke
Bob Burner, firefighter

Thanks to everyone who contributed.