Thursday, October 29, 2009

Today's Top Story

From Derek.

Indifferent Strokes

Years ago, we had a pair of goldfish that we named after Dan's parents: Lud and Darlene Iglfish. We thought it was a cute little tribute, but one of the namesakes felt less than honored.

"I'm going to get a couple of cheap pets and name them after you," she huffed.

We decided not to tell them when one of Lud's eyeballs fell out, leaving a spooky little porthole with a view of his brain. It was a disturbing sight, but you just had to look. Again and again. Darlene had developed a voracious appetite and grown much larger than her mate, and I could never shake the suspicion that she'd eaten his eye.

Lud died at some point, and Darlene never looked back. The merry widow just kept eating and growing. By the time we left California, she looked like a small koi.

Taken in by friends, Darlene was still alive years later when Dan went back for a visit (to the friends, not the fish). She was grotesque by then, a side-swimming monster covered with tumors. Her sight was gone, but not her appetite: she'd circle the tank with her mouth gaping open, hoping to suck in some food. Plus ├ža change ...

F.A.O. Warped

In plenty of time for the holidays, great gift ideas for girls and boys.


From Alan.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Today's Top Stories

*Don't miss the name of the crash site.

From Kristine and Colleen.

Good Grief

Life changes fast. Life changes in the instant.
For a couple of years, I'd been meaning to read The Year of Magical Thinking, Joan Didion's memoir of coping with her husband's sudden death and her daughter's serious, mysterious illness. We listened to the audiobook on our recent road trip and really enjoyed it. Lots of detail and repetition, which wouldn't appeal to everyone, but it worked for me.

More here.

Beware of Slippy

From Peggy.

Irrational Velvet

You owe it to yourselves and your loved ones to see this again and again. Memorize it and say to yourselves, "I saw genius in my lifetime"
From Riley.

'Does This Wake Make My Ass Look Fat?'

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Clip Joint

Great browsing.

From Peggy.

Stick in the Mud

In case you wondered what Scott Baio's been up to.

From Derek.

Fall From Grace

Carving orange pumpkins sounds like a pretty fitting way to ring in the season. You know what else does? Performing a all-gourd reenactment of an episode of Different Strokes—specifically the one when Arnold and Dudley experience a disturbing brush with sexual molestation.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

"Everybody has their fears.... Some people are afraid
of heights; some people are afraid of spiders.... I have
a fear of clowns, drag queens, and homeless people."

Jeff Lewis

Greener Pastures

From Riley.
(516): Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Texts From Last Night

A Cut Above

From Derek and Peggy.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Word of the Day

Actually a phrase: no homo

From David H.

Early Warning

Dan's been looking through old photos and documents saved by his parents. Among them was a kindergarten report card with this handwritten comment: He likes to tease and doesn't seem to think he should like or play with girls.

And in first grade it was noted: Danny is a spunky little boy.

Off topic but equally amusing was this observation: He has a little difficulty with skipping and some other rhythm activities, but he tries his best.

The Customer

Is not always right.

From Peggy.

Off the Wal

My newest favorite site:

From Colleen.

Thursday, October 08, 2009

Today's Top Story

From Peggy.

Dunce and Again

Is this why Lee Greenwood's so proud to be an American?

Still feeling proud? Try this.

From Alan and Susan D, respectively.

Crashing Gore

“My usual answer to ‘What am I proudest of?’ is my novels, but really I am most proud that, despite enormous temptation, I have never killed anybody and you don’t know how tempted I have been.”
Somebody needs a hug. Or some Dulcolax.


Forever Stung


Monday, October 05, 2009

"Anyone who works is a fool. I don't work -
I merely inflict myself upon the public."

Robert Morley

Noteworthy Names

Apryl Winters
Bonita Cannon
Ronaldo Nicholson
Soo Kim Romanoff
Bruce Bueno de Mesquita
McCann Utu
Shi Du Du
Wei Wei Wang
Song Dong
Peter Wagstaff
Dick Palmer
Pansy Crouch
Bobb Head
Molly Morecock
Ramona Cox Boxx
Harry Patch
Matt Bush
Dewey Cockfield
Chad Titsworth
Serge Butman
Randy Rudy
Fanny Rodwell
Parlee Liptrap
Sheryl Green Brown
Mary Brown Furr
Twila Coon
Midge Shields
Sierra Birdsong
Erick Butzlaff
Ardusters Felton
Venus Thrash
Justice Leak
Angel Storm
Honour Brighte
Christian Marvel
Eden Grace
Blythe Apple
Ginger Lemon
Vanilla Beane
Virginia Beach
Laurel Linden
P.J. Wedding
Mary Cherry
LaCole Cole
Abdullah Abdullah
Penny Poor
Penny Moneymaker
Merry Blackman
Sissy Jolley
Ravenel Boykin Curry V
Phartaporn Wellspeak
Lowonderful Pearson
Doodle Jenkins
Erlene Bumb
Festus Botchway
Uneek Jones
Zezozose Zadfrack Glutz (later renamed by adoptive parents)

Martha Washington
Mary Todd
Chelsea McClinton
George B. Bush
Anita Bryant Chase
Erica Kain
Barney Miller
Helen Hayes
Betty Davis
Robert Wagner
Joan R. Collins
Samuel A. Jackson
Rod Lowe
Matt Danon
(Ms.) Tracy Morgan
Dianna Ross
Bebe King
Peggy Lee
Eugene O'Neil
Bobby Orr
(Ms.) Terry Bradshaw
Charles Manson

Rev. F. Forrester Church
Rev. Carl V. Messiah
Max Page, journalist
Chip Paradis, ice cream parlor owner
Dr. Gary Alter, gender reassignment specialist

Rob Junk, prosecutor
Ryan Staab, police officer
B.J. Hooker, police officer and pastor

Thanks to everyone who contributed.

To the Locker Room Born

From Kristine.

The Kale That Ate Butt Hollow