Thursday, April 29, 2010

"I can't understand why people are frightened of new ideas.
I'm frightened of the old ones."

John Cage

Party Politics

[T]his, my friends, is what white privilege is all about. The ability to threaten others, to engage in violent and incendiary rhetoric without consequence, to be viewed as patriotic and normal no matter what you do, and never to be feared and despised as people of color would be, if they tried to get away with half the shit we do, on a daily basis.
From Derek.

Waxing Poetic

"Crayola lets you make signs quickly, and without thinking."

From Laura.

Cabin Fever

There goes my Christmas list.

From Peggy.

Dream Team

From Kristine.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Today's Top Story


The Late Show

More recent favorites from Sleep Talkin' Man:
"You try so hard, and you fall so short. Just give up, numbnuts. It will save you a lifetime of pain and shame. Your life: fail."

"I've got you by the balls. An uncomfortable situation for both of us.... but one I'm going to savor."

"You really are life's wet patch. An embarrassing little stain that no one wants to admit to.... or sleep on."

Around the World in 248 Seconds


Passion Fruit

The ALS Association was half right when it said these were my two passions in life. But my friends know me better:
By the way, I took a tour of the grounds of St. E's [mental hospital] on Saturday with my friend Brian, via the DC Preservation League. It was something that I thought you would enjoy because it joined two of your passions: architecture and crazy people. We weren't allowed in any of the vacant buildings, but the grounds were splendid and the view of the District, Virginia and Maryland from the bluff was spectacular.
That does sound enjoyable.
Tea for two: Press photographer Mr. Richardson has tea
at his home, 1909. (Topical Press Agency/Getty Images)

From Riley.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

The Week That Was

Overheard at the Lake

Dan's dad, peering into a carton of key lime ice cream: What's the brown stuff? It looks like shit.

Dan's mom, laughing: It's graham cracker.

Overheard by: Cracker Jack

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Dog Day Afternoon

A warm, sunny day on vacation with his pack ... boat ride ... cheeseburgers for dinner ... federal and state tax refunds ... What more could a whippet want on his 13th birthday?

Photo by Danny Leibovitz.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Today's Top Story

Word of the Day


I add frowny faces to texts that people expect smiley faces on. Just to be confusing: "Can't wait to see you! :("
Jordan Rubin

Talk to Me

Voices preloaded on our TomTom:

Voices available for download:
Homer Simpson
Mr. T
Burt Reynolds
Dennis Hopper

Voices I wish were available:
Jon Hamm
Kathleen Turner
Liev Schreiber
Isabella Rossellini
Alec Baldwin
Cary Grant
Zsa Zsa Gabor/Arianna Huffington (same thing, really)
Harvey Fierstein
Wanda Sykes
Barbara Billingsley
Jeff Stryker

Voices that would drive me mad:
Wolf Blitzer
Chris Matthews
Estelle Costanza
Gilbert Gottfried
Fran Drescher
Sarah Palin
Victoria Jackson
Paul Lynde
Alex Trebek

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Road Worriers

We're at the Iglfolks' for the week.

We had two new companions on the drive down: Sparkle and a TomTom GPS unit. Sparkle was quite good, except for periodic little anxiety attacks. It must be stressful not to know where you're going, especially when you've been wrenched from the only two homes you've known. But, then, how to explain Devo's love of road trips?

The GPS was also largely well behaved, except for twice, mysteriously, attempting to detour us. Clearly the system had been hacked into by evildoers. Had we been gullible enough to follow, there's not a doubt in my mind that we would have been raped and carjacked, our bodies dumped in a tobacky field, blood oozing from the gashes where our kidneys had been cut out. But they didn't count on the street smarts gleaned from my longtime "Law & Order" habit. Better luck next time.

Aside from some slight nagging, I was surprised by how mild mannered the TomTom was. Nary a trace of recrimination if you didn't do what it said. I guess that's why they're so popular. If I designed one, I'd make it thin skinned, needy, vindictive. Don't want to follow my advice? Suit yourself, Columbus. But don't come crying to me when you find yourself up Shit Creek.

Near Richmond we saw a car with antique plates being ferried on a flatbed trailer like a rare and prized collectible. It was a Chevy Vega.

Late in the trip, "Eight Miles Wide" came up on the iPod and I had an epiphany: "It's Sparkle's song!"

As we savored the raunchy lyrics, Dan suggested: "You should play it for my parents and see if they notice."

"I'll put it on the intercom," I said, remembering they'd installed an iPod dock. (Haven't done it yet, but I have three days left.)

The weather's been perfect, and we're having a great time -- no one more than Sparkle, who is every bit the mistress of her new domain.

Friday, April 09, 2010

Today's Top Stories

Sir Reality

As we contemplated IG rescue last year, Dan read me the description of a dog that sounded promising. When he told me its name, what he said was "Tippy," but what I heard was "Tippi," and what I pictured was this:

That's how gay I am.

Seriously, though, wouldn't that scene be hilarious with a pack of skinny little dogs being chased by the birds? No! With Tippi and the children being chased by flying IGs! Brilliant!

Naturally, I was disappointed to learn the dog's real name. (We never found out how he got it. He wasn't missing a leg, so maybe vertigo? A drinking problem?) But I'm hardly a stranger to disillusionment. For years David and Christie Brinkley lived happily in my mind as father and daughter (he was quite proud of her) until the evening Dan and Marty rudely informed me otherwise.

I'm constantly reminded that the version of reality outside my head tends to be far less colorful than its counterpart within. Not always, but often.* And that makes me feel sorry for you.

Here's something I just found that we can all appreciate:

*Not valid in Florida or New Jersey.

Fired Up

Just in time for summer: the Moskitofänger.

From Peggy.

Sweet'N Low

From Kristine.

Tuesday, April 06, 2010

Monday, April 05, 2010

Today's Top Story

No shit.


Messages like this make my day:
[A mutual friend] called me this morning with a story that is just too funny. Her oldest daughter is a social worker who has a friend who works with Child Protective Services out on the Eastern Shore. This woman’s son has Down Syndrome and called her on Friday to tell her that there was a troll in the house. She told him he was imagining it and there is no such thing as trolls. He called her back 3 more times to say there was a troll in the house and she needed to come home and help him, she told him to stop watching TV as he was confusing reality with what he was watching.

So then she gets a call from the police because the son had called 911. She told them that he had Down’s and that he was imagining the troll—they said they knew that but had to investigate anyway. So then they call her back to tell her that when they got to the house the son took them into his bedroom where he had barricaded a whole bunch of furniture in front of his closet. When they finally opened the closet door they found a midget (excuse me, Little Person). He was a Jehovah’s Witness who had come to the door and the son freaked out when he saw him and grabbed him and locked him in the closet.
From Colleen.


Nothing like being at the center of the action.

Lourdy, Lourdy

Nearer, my God, to Thee.

From Riley.

Dewly Appointed

More here.

From Peggy.