Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Monday, February 26, 2007
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Meanwhile, back on the East Coast, Annie Leibovitz sobs in her sun-dappled studio.
Saturday, February 24, 2007
Could it really be that 13 percent of Americans have never heard of global warming? It would explain a lot about the continuing appetite for monster cars and houses -- but how, in 2007, is it possible? Especially since the finding was the result of an Internet poll. The irony. The bitter, bitter irony.
Mark Morford weighs in but finds no answers.
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
We had good reason. Friends were treating us to a most excellent joint birthday present: Lypsinka's latest show, "The Passion of the Crawford." If you've never experienced Lypsinka, I encourage you to do so. She's in Wigstock (the full-length 1995 one) if you can't see her live. It's no substitute, but it's better than nothing. Her Web site is also quite entertaining.
For me, the show's highlight was repeated references to a "little cripple lady." I've often called myself Little Wheelchair Girl, but maybe it's time to grow up and be Little Cripple Lady.
The outing provided yet another unnecessary reminder that I'm an urban creature who's out of place in suburbia. At the theater and at dinner afterwards, I gaped like a tourist at the parade of people. The variety of ages and colors -- and especially the vibrancy -- is almost nonexistent out here, and I miss it intensely. Poor Little Cripple Lady, so bored in the 'burbs.
Monday, February 19, 2007
Winston and Elma Dowdy
Ledoux Elgee ''Boots'' Riggs Jr.
Delmus Gus Laird
Prof. Jefferson Tester, researcher
(Miss) Epiphanny Prince
Frances Hunter Fischer
Elaine Hunter Coward
(Mr.) Vanrex McCullough
Cleave and Pettery Shrewsbury
Hattie Bullman Spillars
Diane Sugar Stickler
(Mrs.) Noretezel McRae Davenport
Twila Jean Morgus
(Mr.) Williebald Brandl
Stance and Denola Beagle
Rose E. Cheeks
Tai-Ming Jackson Kwok
Dr. Bonnie Beaver, veterinarian
(Ms.) Karizma Williams
Lula Mae DeBerry
Fairey Bell Glover
Badger Russell III
Roscoe "Rip" Van Winkle
(Mrs.) Sassi Pyle
Wilbur W. Widicus
Kitty Bean Yancey
(Miss) Wallis Jennings de Pantulf de B.M. Lord
Dwight and Thelda Crum
Colleen "Honey" Glascock
Saturday, February 17, 2007
But I don't. In fact, I spend a lot more time watching "Without a Trace" and the countless versions of "Law & Order" and "CSI."
The difference is that the stories on TV are "ripped from the headlines," while these are real. I especially recommend the "notorious murders" section.
Friday, February 16, 2007
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Mark Morford reports on commercial efforts to enlighten straight men about the wonderful world of personal grooming. Philips Norelco even made a surprisingly hip video.
Meanwhile, their long-suffering women wait hopefully, wondering whether the bright light of equality will finally shine on the dark, dense undergrowth of the steamy jungle.
If this does catch on, I hope hetero men don't go overboard the way the gays have. A man with no hair at all looks like an overgrown child, and there ain't nothin' sexy 'bout that.
Monday, February 12, 2007
While the bathrooms at Texaco stations tend to look like something you might encounter upstairs at one of Whitney Houston's repossessed homes, you'd nevertheless think a woman used to peeing in zero gravity would be adroit enough to navigate her lower lady parts to hover without actually docking with the filthy cigarette-burned, yellowed plastic of a public toilet seat.Betty Bowers finds dots to connect between Lisa Nowak and Anna Nicole Smith and also asks, "Is rehab replacing Jesus?"
Sunday, February 11, 2007
Saturday, February 10, 2007
We used to play [basketball] in these small towns; the guards were almost invariably named after flowers — there would be Lily, Rose, and Violet. The forwards were always jewels — Ruby, Pearl, and Opal. But it was east Texas, so everybody had two names, you know, like Ruby Jo, or Pearl Ann. And they always wore pink plastic curlers in their hair during the games so they’d look good at the dance afterwards. Meanest women I ever met.This 1993 speech, delivered at Smith College by Molly Ivins (Class of '66), is among her best work.
Friday, February 09, 2007
Thursday, February 08, 2007
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
NEW WORDS FOR 2007
TESTICULATING: Waving your arms around and talking bollocks.
SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die.
PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
ADMINISPHERE: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. This is often affiliated with the dreaded ADMINISTRIVIA – needless paperwork and processes.
OH-NO SECOND: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a big mistake (e.g., you've hit “reply all”).
GOING FOR A McSHIT: Entering a fast-food restaurant with no intention of buying food; you're just going to the bog. If challenged by a pimply staff member, your declaration to them that you'll buy their food afterwards is known as a McSHIT WITH LIES.
JOHNNY NO-STARS: A young man of substandard intelligence; the typical adolescent who works in a burger restaurant. The "no-stars" comes from the badges displaying stars that staff at fast-food restaurants often wear to show their level of training.
MONKEY BATH: A bath so hot that when lowering yourself in you go: “Oo! Oo! Oo! Aa! Aa! Aa!”
SWAMP-DONKEY: A deeply unattractive person.
SINBAD: Single working girls. Single income, no boyfriend and desperate.
AEROPLANE BLONDE: One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a “black box.”
GREYHOUND: A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.
MILLENNIUM DOMES: The contents of a Wonderbra – i.e., extremely impressive when viewed from the outside, but there's actually nothing in there worth seeing.
PICASSO BUM: A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she's got four buttocks.
TART FUEL: Bottled premixed spirits, regularly consumed by young women.
BREAKING THE SEAL: Your first pee in the pub, usually after two hours of drinking. After breaking the seal of your bladder, repeat visits to the toilet will be required every 10 or 15 minutes for the rest of the night.
MYSTERY BUS: The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in the toilet after your 10th pint and whisks away all the unattractive people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.
MYSTERY TAXI: The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before you wake up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a 10-pinter in your bed instead.
Monday, February 05, 2007
(Mr.) Frosty Hardison
Iva May Fastnaught
Queenie Mae Odom
Benjamin Harrison Shrimpy Taylor
(Mr.) Hammie Moye
Harry Perry, Jr.
Jervel and Jeralonza Schools (siblings)
(Miss) Mattie Towles
Col. Richard H. Lady
Reamer, Elindra, Thinderene, and Clearness Shedrick (siblings)
(Master) Marquese Dajour Timberlake
Judge N. Williams
Prunella Durham St. John
(Mr.) Arlie Hogston
Blanche Green (and daughter Margaret Green Gray)
(Mrs.) Cherry King (and daughter Sharon King Duke)
Stella Mason Walls
Lottie Lee Sparks
Minnie Marge Wagner
(Ms.) Okdellia Slowe
Dr. Peter Hiscock
Saxon Songhong Wu