Friday, September 22, 2006

What Would Jesus Wear?

I'd always pictured Him in a simple robe, but that can get a little drafty when you're out in the woods hunting God's creatures. Hence this.

You feel closer to God when your camouflage pattern features crosses. And irony, it seems, is always in season for Christian hunters. Not only are these fashionable togs adorned with doves and olive branches -- two symbols not commonly associated with guns and killing -- the images also include Noah's Ark. Hilarious!

The Christian hunter can only keep his mind on the kill if he knows his woman isn't back home swanning around in revealing outfits, tempting the neighbors as she cans tomatoes. That's why she shops here. I had no idea you could still buy bloomers. Think I'll get me a pair; there's no telling what mischief I might get into with bare legs.

Not even the most diligent dad can keep his girls locked up every day of the year. So before home school adjourns for the summer, better hit this site for some wholesome swimwear. Perfect for Christian Week at Disney World. Little Faith will look modest -- and festive -- when all that fabric pulls her under and they drag her lifeless body from the bottom of the pool. Hosanna!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Wow, I feel like I'm your inspiration. I send a couple of interesting website links, and *poof*, a blog entry appears a day later, cleverer than I could have mustered myself.

After a little googling*, I even found the right muse -- complete with what I think is a fairly accurate rendering of me (apologies in advance the nipple):

http://www.eliki.com/portals/fantasy/circle/thalia.html

Love the post. "Tempting the neighbors as she cans tomatoes." Nice.

* - Speaking of googling, you probably will be shocked to hear this, but do you know what google suggested when I did a search for "Jacquoff"?

Don't play blue, Michael. You're better than that.