Sunday, March 29, 2009

DNA matches, daughter smiles. Priest silent.

Wesley Deimling
From Six Word Stories.

Grandmère Revisited

When I wrote about my great-grandmother last year, my old friend (and prom date) Karen sent the post to her father, a retired Israeli diplomat who served on the board of Yad Vashem. He passed it along to an official there, who wrote to say she'd added it to Grandmère's file and to ask if I had more photos or documents.

This sparked a great flurry of email within my family, bringing further details to the surface. We are notoriously poor communicators, at least with each other. Each of us had pieces of the puzzle, but it took an outside influence to force a more complete picture.

The "new" information, including papers from Yad Vashem, was compelling enough to rewrite my post. You can find the revised version here.

Friday, March 27, 2009

Today's Top Story



"Nothing to hide"

Disinhibited 48-year-old, 142-pound woman with hemorrhoids, herpes, a penchant for one-night stands with random men, and a history of cheating on her taxes seeks equally overly self-disclosing male to co-host dinner parties with. Together we can make our guests excruciatingly uncomfortable with our unfiltered conversation. Last two hubbies died. Mysteriously.
More promising proposals here.

Hallmark for the Rest of Us

When you care enough to tell the very truth.

From Derek.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Your choice of enrolling in Rabbinical school instead of therapy has me frightened to the core.
From Dear Old Love.

Word of the Day



Off the Menu

The eggs have the consistency of cottage cheese. The most popular way to eat them is in a taco with guacamole, while being fucking insane.
From Laura.

Rudding Season

Whenever I think Paul Rudd couldn't be any more appealing, I come across something like this. Or this.

You Spin Me Round

The conference room in my last office was always freezing. I was sure it was a nefarious effort to keep us awake in meetings. But we didn't look very professional spinning and bouncing like chimps in our Aeron chairs, trying to keep the blood flowing. Maybe if we'd had these ...

From Derek.

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Tricks and Treats

I ventured out on this glorious afternoon for my monthly rinse and set.

Sitting in front of the liberry was a strapping, rather exotic-looking stud equipped with a Bluetooth headset, a laptop, and an equally fetching black Lab. (Fetching - get it? Get it?)

As I passed, the dog, wagging its tail, made a beeline for me and gave my hand several earnest licks. Good dog! Alas, its master seemed completely oblivious.

I always thought it would be fun to train a dog to go for men's crotches. Honestly, what could be easier? You're just reinforcing a natural instinct. But I could never figure out how to teach the difference between attractive and unattractive targets.

Zap and Devo aren't particularly useful for such purposes. Zap likes everyone, while Devo just can't be bothered. Ever hungry, Zap looks for those likeliest to bear treats: women, heavy people, and the elderly. Grandmotherly types are his favorite; a surprising percentage of them have linty goodies in their fleece pockets.

One time, a gorgeous guy in the dog park knelt in front of us and cooed at Zap, only to be rudely spurned by the little pissant. Some sighthound. I still haven't forgiven him for that.

With All Due Respect

Swan Dive

Fur often flies at a wedding, but sometimes it's feathers.


Tuesday, March 17, 2009

"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra
and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath.
At night, the ice weasels come."

Matt Groening

Today's Top Story


Kvetch and Release

[O]n the rare occasion I do find something to grouse about, I really try to not do it around my neighborhood friend Jennifer. See, Jennifer believes in something called "the power of positive thinking" and strongly feels that we should all be "thankful for what we have." Blah, blah, blah, the glass is half-full, those aren't mosquitoes, they're tiny angels giving you a kiss from get the idea.
Wendi indulges in a little white whine. Why not?

Country Seat

Pungent privy memories.

From Derek.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Suck It Up

So Help Me

Physical dependence can be awfully tiresome.

Occasionally when Dan offers assistance, I like to snarl "Fuck off!" just for kicks. I find it a refreshing alternative to "No, thank you" when used sparingly. Dan agrees - or at least pretends to.

On the whole, I'm impressed by people's thoughtfulness and grateful for their help ... unlike some.

A Humble Soul

From a death notice in today's Post:
Died unexpectantly at his home on March 11, 2009.


James Dean: proof that sexy Quaker isn't the oxymoron it sounds like.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

God creates Universe. Realizes mistake. Hides.

From Six Word Stories.

Shades of Grey

Coinciding with the release of the new HBO movie, the April issue of The Advocate has an interesting article on Grey Gardens and the gays' deep affinity therefor. We loves us a messy mama drama.

Don't miss the video tour. Or this piece on the landscaping that gave the place its name.


Does This Wheelchair Make My Butt Look Big?

© 2002 Derek Maingot

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Today's Top Story

Here's my problem with the premeditated hating on the American version of Absolutely Fabulous: It's like shooting tranquilized fish in a barrel of gin.
From Derek.

Eternal Blame

The question ... is not what we want. It's what we need.

Lazy Boy

I've been on disability for 10 years this month, which means I've been retired for longer than I worked.

Who'd have predicted that? Not I. Certainly not my insurance company, which periodically asks me to prove that I'm still disabled, a request that would be hilarious if it weren't so annoying. So far I've resisted the urge to point out that if I'd recovered from ALS, they'd have heard about it on the news.

A couple of times, friends have expressed some variation of I can't believe you're still here. I'm sure their meaning isn't dark (is it?), but one day I'm going to say what I really want to: "I'm dying as fast as I can, motherfucker."

Equipment Check

Normally golf interests me about as much as NASCAR. But once in a great while they offer a package deal that merits consideration.

Henrik Stenson of Sweden plays his second shot from deep mud at the
third hole during the first round of the World Golf Championships at the
Doral Golf Resort & Spa on March 12 in Miami. (Kyle Auclair/Getty Images)

Story here.

Monday, March 09, 2009

Sunday, March 08, 2009

Today's Top Story

From Riley.

Batman Forever

And I thought my name was problematic.

From Alan.

Noteworthy Names

Doris Stuck
Rick O'Shea
Mickey Finn
Ertle Mae Kitchen
Fannie Mae Blocker
Mary Lou Pigg Tye
Lotus Vermeer
Faith Schmalz
Faith Block
Loveta Cook
Medlee Bean
Dustin Rice
Debi Rice-Pizza
Chiffon Cobb
Candace Cahen
Candace Kane
Taffy Hurt
Pam Clingenpeel
Gay Hammerman
Wanda Concepcion
Anita Woody
Lacey Glascock
Georgia Glasscock
Sarah Morcock
Joe Dong
Johan van der Dong
Peter Schmuck
Peter Funk
Dick Rank
Etta Bush
Rev. Bob Ladygo
Sandy Cummings
Sen. Pleasant Bridgewater
Cherry Woodland
Cheyenne Tree
Skye McCloud
Misty Brown
Stormy Salmon
Sandy Sharkey
Sandy Goody
China Goody
Sonbich Ledang
Nathy Thongphok
Rose Blue
Algie Gray
Jade Greenwood
Pearl Bell
Pearl Muck
Willie B. Queen
Hazel Farmer
Hazel Hook
Butch Hooks
Haley Hiss
Patti Pirtle
Lynn Flynn
Joan Stone
Penny Found
Chuck Needle
Fonda Matters
Wiley Dickens
Dottie Gunkel
Rickley Dumm
Thelda Smedley
Chauncey Smoot
Chimera O'Neal
Kontiki Hunnicutt
Patience Day
Grace W. Grace
Reinaldo "Ray" Reynaldo
Kash and Kerry Krickler (siblings)
Nehru and Nehron Ashmon (brothers)
Arthur A., Arthur L., Arthur V., and Arthur C. Daniels (sons of the very humble Arthur Daniels Sr.)

Mary Washington
John Hopkins
David Crockett
Jerry G. Brown
Marion Berry
Gary Cooper
Gene Kelly
Kerri Grant
Mary K. Martin
Edward G. Robinson
Capt. William Holden
Jacqueline Smith
Jane H. Curtin
Dawn Johnson
Bruce Wayne

George Whetstone, geologist
John DeForest, naturalist
Jack Eden, gardening authority
Fred Bassett, dog-show judge
Ho Suk Kim, arrested for prostitution

Thanks to everyone who contributed.

The Jackals

© 2008 David M. King

Friday, March 06, 2009

"My heart goes out to all the inner-city kids.
Especially those too fat to dance their way out "

Jenna Maroney

Paradise Lost

More pictures here.

Strange Bedpillows

Lay your weary head to rest.


Mamma Skia

"ABBA in Swizterland" was ABBA's first European television special, filmed
on the ski slopes at Leysin in the Swiss Alps in 1979. They sang their old hits
as well as new material and were seen skiing and ice skating. (BBC Archive)

From Riley.

Wednesday, March 04, 2009


No. 18: Amen, brother. My self-image is poor enough without "friends" posting hideous pictures of me.

From HoHo.

Boo Who?

This is, quite possibly, the most amusing thing I am hearing from the furious fringe: That Obama's plan will wreak hell on the deficit for generations to come. It's a bit like hearing a Catholic priest scold you on the perils of child abuse.
Mark Morford feels the pain ... and mocks it.

Doctor Strangestuff

From Peggy.

Sunday, March 01, 2009

"The whole problem with the world is that
fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves,
but wiser people so full of doubts."

Bertrand Russell

Today's Top Story



An apt life metaphor.

Heini Demmer, the Austrian owner of Chi-Chi the giant panda bear,
struggles to lift her back to her enclosure at London Zoo after she
escaped, September 1958. (Frank Martin/BIPs/Getty Images)

From Riley.