Wednesday, December 31, 2008
'A Shift Is Nigh'
Our once noble but greedy land of cheap gas and giant cars and hot concrete ribbons stretching to the horizon is finally be shifting to something slightly more... I'm not quite sure what. Responsible? Mindful? Shrewd? Less oily? We can only hope.Mark Morford on cheap gas and other harbingers.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Monday, December 29, 2008
Dry Season
When most people mention a "friend with benefits," they're talking about no-strings nookie. I've had several such amigos, and it can be a great arrangement. But some friends offer benefits that are just as fun and don't leave a wet spot.
When I met Caroline back in college, she came with an added bonus: her mother. One of the most delightful people I've known, Claudette is warm, hilarious, and irrepressible. She's a born mom, and with my own mother hundreds of miles away, she took me under her wing. Her house was always open for getaways - even after we left a video under a couch, where it was found after many days and a whopping late fee. And when the weather turned especially cold one year, Claudette appeared at the dorm with flannel sheets for a bunch of us. More than 20 years later, she remains a dear friend, ever supportive. She even outfits the Jackals, my Walk to Defeat ALS team.
As important as Claudette makes me feel, I am only a drop in an ocean of beneficiaries. So renowned is her largesse that last month, when she exchanged one holiday tradition for another, it made the newspaper.
When I met Caroline back in college, she came with an added bonus: her mother. One of the most delightful people I've known, Claudette is warm, hilarious, and irrepressible. She's a born mom, and with my own mother hundreds of miles away, she took me under her wing. Her house was always open for getaways - even after we left a video under a couch, where it was found after many days and a whopping late fee. And when the weather turned especially cold one year, Claudette appeared at the dorm with flannel sheets for a bunch of us. More than 20 years later, she remains a dear friend, ever supportive. She even outfits the Jackals, my Walk to Defeat ALS team.
As important as Claudette makes me feel, I am only a drop in an ocean of beneficiaries. So renowned is her largesse that last month, when she exchanged one holiday tradition for another, it made the newspaper.
Sunday, December 28, 2008
The War of Northern Aggression
Dan's parents have lived in the Palmetto State for nearly a decade now, but a number of our friends refuse to accept the fact. "When are you off to North Carolina?" they'll ask, or: "How was the weather in N.C.?" It's as if their mental maps stop at the border and they dare not venture beyond. Nothing I've said has made a bit of difference.
I don't remember this happening when the Iglfolks lived on the coast, near Charleston. The problem arose, I think, when they moved inland a few years ago. "It's near Charlotte, but still in South Carolina," I told people, who apparently tuned out in mid-sentence.
Like Sarah Palin and Russia, the Iglfolks can see North Cackalackee from their house; in fact, that's pretty much their view. But they don't live there ... except in the minds of a troubled few.
Anyway, we had a great time, and now we're back in the Holler, where oddly balmy temps and some deferred Christmas shopping got me out of the house a couple of times today.
I don't remember this happening when the Iglfolks lived on the coast, near Charleston. The problem arose, I think, when they moved inland a few years ago. "It's near Charlotte, but still in South Carolina," I told people, who apparently tuned out in mid-sentence.
Like Sarah Palin and Russia, the Iglfolks can see North Cackalackee from their house; in fact, that's pretty much their view. But they don't live there ... except in the minds of a troubled few.
Anyway, we had a great time, and now we're back in the Holler, where oddly balmy temps and some deferred Christmas shopping got me out of the house a couple of times today.
Nothing Like a Dame
If you can't see the humour in yourself, you could be missing the joke of the century.From Riley.
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Friday, December 26, 2008
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
We Wish You a Scary Cripmas
The other day, for no particular reason, I started ad-libbing to “Jingle Bells,” using gimpocentric lyrics. It was surprisingly easy:
Rolling 'cross the floor“O Come, All Ye Faithful” is also readily tweaked:
In a big-ass power chair
Watch out for the door
You’re giving us a scare
O come, all ye feeble, crippled and disabledThe titles alone are fertile ground: “12 Days of Cripmas”; “Little Wheelchair Boy”; “O Permobil”; “God Rest Ye Very Gimpy Men”; “O Come, O Come, Euthanasia”; “Frosty the Slow Man” …
O come ye, o come ye, however you can
Ramps and elevators, converted minivans
O come, you lazy buggers; you have no excuse
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Shalom, Y’all
Greetings from River Hills, where Christmas is always white – and so is every other day. Sitting before the nine-foot tree, surrounded by a teeming population of Old World holiday figurines with the cable music tuned to the Christmas channel*, I have never felt more Caucasian. Which is saying something.
I wasn’t sure we’d be here, especially today. Having finally shaken a persistent throat-and-ear condition, I was hit Sunday with a sudden case of either meningitis or Asian flu. (Hate to leave you hanging, but my self-diagnosis remains inconclusive.) Flushed, achy, and fearful of infecting others, I reluctantly cancelled dinner with my stepmother and sister, then went to bed, expecting to postpone the trip.
However, I awoke in full remission – a Festivus miracle! – so we hit the road yesterday morning. A gusty forecast turned us off our favored route through the mountains, but traffic was surprisingly light on the dreaded 95 and 85 – just a minor backup in North Carolina – and the iPod was packed with This American Life. We got here in time for dinner.
Sadly, we missed the party at the house next door, which had been under constant construction since the Iglfolks moved here, two and a half years ago. It’s a humble place: only 10,000 square feet, with a dance floor and a video arcade. The home theater has a 102-inch** screen, stadium seating, and floor lighting so litigious guests don’t trip as they navigate the various levels. But the showstopper is overhead: a galaxy of pinpoint lights twinkling across a vast, inky “sky.”
Over here at the Iglhaus, we have to content ourselves with simpler pleasures - like the sunrise that woke us this morning just as it hit the lake.
* Cheesy, yes, but far preferable to a backdrop of Fox “news.”
** Those extra two inches make all the difference, don’t you find?
I wasn’t sure we’d be here, especially today. Having finally shaken a persistent throat-and-ear condition, I was hit Sunday with a sudden case of either meningitis or Asian flu. (Hate to leave you hanging, but my self-diagnosis remains inconclusive.) Flushed, achy, and fearful of infecting others, I reluctantly cancelled dinner with my stepmother and sister, then went to bed, expecting to postpone the trip.
However, I awoke in full remission – a Festivus miracle! – so we hit the road yesterday morning. A gusty forecast turned us off our favored route through the mountains, but traffic was surprisingly light on the dreaded 95 and 85 – just a minor backup in North Carolina – and the iPod was packed with This American Life. We got here in time for dinner.
Sadly, we missed the party at the house next door, which had been under constant construction since the Iglfolks moved here, two and a half years ago. It’s a humble place: only 10,000 square feet, with a dance floor and a video arcade. The home theater has a 102-inch** screen, stadium seating, and floor lighting so litigious guests don’t trip as they navigate the various levels. But the showstopper is overhead: a galaxy of pinpoint lights twinkling across a vast, inky “sky.”
Over here at the Iglhaus, we have to content ourselves with simpler pleasures - like the sunrise that woke us this morning just as it hit the lake.
* Cheesy, yes, but far preferable to a backdrop of Fox “news.”
** Those extra two inches make all the difference, don’t you find?
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Friday, December 19, 2008
Today's Top Story
"Jordyn-Grace was born ... weeks before her due date of Jan. 1."They're saying it was a C-section, but I bet she just fell right out of that exhausted uterus while Mama was makin' a tater-tot casserole.
From David.
Amen, Brother
It is difficult to comprehend how our president-elect, who has been so spot on in nearly every political move and gesture, could fail to grasp the symbolism of inviting an anti-gay theologian to deliver his inaugural invocation. And the Obama campaign's response to the anger about this decision? Hey, we're also bringing a gay marching band. You know how the gays love a parade.Source
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Word of the Day
sexsomnia
I knew someone who suffered from this. But it was really his partner who suffered, because whenever he started to respond the sexsomniac would fall back asleep.
From Riley.
I knew someone who suffered from this. But it was really his partner who suffered, because whenever he started to respond the sexsomniac would fall back asleep.
From Riley.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Name That Dune
We really should know this stuff - without the impetus of war.
I got about five wrong, which was better than I expected. The lesser Stans were my weakness.
From Mom.
I got about five wrong, which was better than I expected. The lesser Stans were my weakness.
From Mom.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Yo!
Apparently I was too subtle - not something I'm often accused of. Excuse me for a moment while I slip back into character.
If you stingy-ass motherfuckers don't start commenting - and continue to do so - I'm going on strike. I share this stuff for your entertainment, not for my own. Think about it: I've already seen everything I post. I talk to myself all day long; I don't need a blog for that.
Don't even bother with the excuses. I've heard them all before, and most are lamer than my withered legs.
As Stephen Colbert would say: You're on notice.
If you stingy-ass motherfuckers don't start commenting - and continue to do so - I'm going on strike. I share this stuff for your entertainment, not for my own. Think about it: I've already seen everything I post. I talk to myself all day long; I don't need a blog for that.
Don't even bother with the excuses. I've heard them all before, and most are lamer than my withered legs.
As Stephen Colbert would say: You're on notice.
'The Reign of Error Is Over'
Generally speaking, I'd rather get a Brazilian wax than watch a Robin Williams monologue, but this one I enjoyed.
From (Aunt) Terry.
From (Aunt) Terry.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Don't Let the Humbugs Bite
If you're as generous with gifts as you are with comments, your family and friends must adore you.
Friday, December 12, 2008
Thursday, December 11, 2008
The Living End
Another reason to admire Switzerland.
I've never understood the debate over assisted suicide. How could such a thing be legislated? If you're ready to die and your family and doctor are on board, it's nobody else's goddamned business. How obnoxious to think you should have a say in the personal decisions of strangers.
Ironically - to me, anyway - some of the shrillest squawking comes from people with conditions like ALS. They seem to think someone else's action is somehow a judgment on them. To me it's like gay marriage: If you don't like it, don't do it. But don't presume to decide for others.
Why are we so much more sensible with our pets?
Source
I've never understood the debate over assisted suicide. How could such a thing be legislated? If you're ready to die and your family and doctor are on board, it's nobody else's goddamned business. How obnoxious to think you should have a say in the personal decisions of strangers.
Ironically - to me, anyway - some of the shrillest squawking comes from people with conditions like ALS. They seem to think someone else's action is somehow a judgment on them. To me it's like gay marriage: If you don't like it, don't do it. But don't presume to decide for others.
Why are we so much more sensible with our pets?
Source
Uncanny Likeness
A Japanese woman displays a scene of the Obama family
on U.S. election night, part of a toy company's annual tradition
of producing dolls depicting big news events of the year.
on U.S. election night, part of a toy company's annual tradition
of producing dolls depicting big news events of the year.
From Riley.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Karmageddon
Shell-shocked stockbrokers holding their faces in their hands, choking back screams, like Edvard Munch with big holdings in Washington Mutual. GM stock as valuable as an old pack of gum. Desperate shoppers stomping each other to death at Black Friday sales to save eight bucks on a 29-dollar DVD player that will break roughly four minutes into the third time it plays that "Fred Claus" DVD bought for two bucks at the dollar store. Fun for the whole family.Mark Morford takes stock.
Tuesday, December 09, 2008
Monday, December 08, 2008
Uncle Sam
"If we all hold hands, we can't fight."
My friend Caroline's given us a couple of pieces by Sam McMillan: a birdhouse and something that's either an umbrella stand or an unusually tall wastebasket. The bright colors and exuberant designs lift my mood every day. Like Prozac, but without the side effects.
He's been profiled in various media and his work's been shown at the Smithsonian, but Sam remains entirely himself. He'll be an honored guest at Caroline's Christmas dinner.
I like his philosophy.
Just in Time
Some gift ideas to help you stand out from the pack:
* In case your list includes any Santora.
** No. 2 would be perfect for Republicam friends and relatives. No. 10 would be perfect for me.
Thanks to everyone who contributed.
* In case your list includes any Santora.
** No. 2 would be perfect for Republicam friends and relatives. No. 10 would be perfect for me.
Thanks to everyone who contributed.
Sunday, December 07, 2008
Another Angel in Heaven
Saturday, December 06, 2008
Out in the Cold
It takes something special to get my crippled ass out of the house when it's this cold. Like, say, a musical featuring two of my pet fascinations: socialites and squalor. And what better outing for a shut-in than a play about shut-ins?
For an early Christmas treat, we took girlfriends Bob and Bruce to see Grey Gardens. It was quite good, and the cast stayed after for some Q and A, which always makes me feel special.
Go see it if you have the chance - in addition to, not instead of, the eponymous 1975 documentary. Because that smorgasbord of pathos stands alone.
Fun browsing here and here.
For an early Christmas treat, we took girlfriends Bob and Bruce to see Grey Gardens. It was quite good, and the cast stayed after for some Q and A, which always makes me feel special.
Go see it if you have the chance - in addition to, not instead of, the eponymous 1975 documentary. Because that smorgasbord of pathos stands alone.
Fun browsing here and here.
Friday, December 05, 2008
Today's Top Story
If gratuitous snobbery is a hallmark of success, I guess the gays have arrived:
From Derek.
"A-gays mark measurable societal progress," says Laura Gilbert, editor of the pop-culture website lemondrop.com. "People can now be out without being expected to swish. It's the Neil Patrick Harris/Portia de Rossi brand of gay."Doogie doesn't swish? Ms. Lemondrop must not have seen this.
From Derek.
Thursday, December 04, 2008
Defining Women
I learned two vivid new terms recently: photo bomber and caganer. The world is a rich and wondrous place.
Thanks to Derek and Peggy for edifying me.
Thanks to Derek and Peggy for edifying me.
Wednesday, December 03, 2008
Tuesday, December 02, 2008
Monday, December 01, 2008
Today's Top Story
Be sure to check out all four pictures.
As I remarked to Derek when he sent it, this guy calling himself chubby is like me saying I walk with a slight limp.
Buried Past
Butaeye and Dujardin guided AP journalists through one cave where several hundred people sheltered. It sent shivers down the spine, and not just because of the cold and damp. In a site so well preserved it was easy to imagine the hacking coughs of people packed together, children wailing, and old men groaning, the stink and discomfort, everyone wondering whether the relentless Allied bombing would bring down the caverns and bury them alive.Slide show ici.
Source
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