We Wish You a Scary Cripmas

The other day, for no particular reason, I started ad-libbing to “Jingle Bells,” using gimpocentric lyrics. It was surprisingly easy:

Rolling 'cross the floor
In a big-ass power chair
Watch out for the door
You’re giving us a scare

“O Come, All Ye Faithful” is also readily tweaked:

O come, all ye feeble, crippled and disabled
O come ye, o come ye, however you can
Ramps and elevators, converted minivans
O come, you lazy buggers; you have no excuse

The titles alone are fertile ground: “12 Days of Cripmas”; “Little Wheelchair Boy”; “O Permobil”; “God Rest Ye Very Gimpy Men”; “O Come, O Come, Euthanasia”; “Frosty the Slow Man” …