"Listen, it's not as if I put ear wax on my penis and shouted 'snake warts!' Okay?"
"Yeah, I love you. But in a not-really kind of way."
"Pee in my bed once, shame on you. Pee in my bed twice, I'm gonna rip out your bladder and use it as a football, you geriatric incontinent cock-slap."
"Watching you think is like watching a cat shovel shit with two broken paws. Painful, but I just can't stop watching."
"What a great way to start the day, talking about dog farts and placenta."
"The shit that comes out of your mouth is like vaginal discharge. Embarrassing and unpleasant, and also a sign of something possibly seriously wrong."
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
The Late Show
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