Grannies Say the @#*&!%est Things

People who socialize with gossip columnists know not to say anything they'd regret seeing in the next day's paper. As ubiquitous as blogs have become, you might think that lesson would be universal by now. But you'd be wrong. You're not even safe confessing to a shut-in these days. Not if he has a blog.

The other day, someone of my acquaintance was driving her four-year-old granddaughter and a young friend to the performance of a traditional holiday ballet. She's normally mild of manner, but a late start and another complication had set her nerves on edge long before the cabbie cut her off.

"Fucker!" she hissed reflexively.

A moment later, inevitably, came the small voice from the back seat: "What did you say, Grandma?"

Thinking fast, she said, "Oh, I was just saying hi to Mr. Fucker," trying to make it sound more like "Focker" this time. "He's driving that taxi up there. Hi, Mr. Focker!" She gave a little wave.

That seemed to satisfy the girl. But Grandma's going to hold her breath for another day or two, and she'll probably be a little anxious the next couple of times her son or daughter-in-law calls.

This could just as well have happened in my family. We're about 10 years past that point now, but I'm sure my nephew's vocabulary got plenty of entries from my mom.