That Ain't What I Heard

Vindication

Richard Cohen on Al Gore's second act.

Literature 101

A college class was told to write a short story in as few words as possible. The story had to contain the following elements:
1. Religion
2. Sexuality
3. Mystery

The only story to receive an A+ read as follows:
"Good God, I'm pregnant; I wonder who did it."

Heartland Glamour

Despite all rationality, not to say decency, this is not a joke. So pour yourself a stiff drink -- even better, a Bartles & Jaymes -- and take a little tour. Try to ignore the agonized screaming of your brain; it grows fainter after a while. My favorite is the "maternity boudoir" page.

Meanwhile, back on the East Coast, Annie Leibovitz sobs in her sun-dappled studio.

Ignorance Is Bliss

Until the planet melts, anyway.

Could it really be that 13 percent of Americans have never heard of global warming? It would explain a lot about the continuing appetite for monster cars and houses -- but how, in 2007, is it possible? Especially since the finding was the result of an Internet poll. The irony. The bitter, bitter irony.

Mark Morford weighs in but finds no answers.

Stephen Lynch

P.C. he ain't, but he sure makes me laugh. He's not painful to look at, either.

Some of his best songs:

• Baby
• Special Ed
• Talk to Me
• Gay
• Priest

And there are plenty of others on YouTube.

Wonderland

White walls aren't for everyone, and neither is Laura Ashley.

The Baltimore home of artist and recovering attorney Timmerman Daugherty is both canvas and gallery. I'm entranced.

The Passion of the Cripple

I ventured out on Sunday for the first time in weeks. Perhaps you caught the coverage on TV. Dan spent half of Saturday chiseling the van out of the glacier that had swallowed it, and we headed into town in near-whiteout conditions.

We had good reason. Friends were treating us to a most excellent joint birthday present: Lypsinka's latest show, "The Passion of the Crawford." If you've never experienced Lypsinka, I encourage you to do so. She's in Wigstock (the full-length 1995 one) if you can't see her live. It's no substitute, but it's better than nothing. Her Web site is also quite entertaining.

For me, the show's highlight was repeated references to a "little cripple lady." I've often called myself Little Wheelchair Girl, but maybe it's time to grow up and be Little Cripple Lady.

The outing provided yet another unnecessary reminder that I'm an urban creature who's out of place in suburbia. At the theater and at dinner afterwards, I gaped like a tourist at the parade of people. The variety of ages and colors -- and especially the vibrancy -- is almost nonexistent out here, and I miss it intensely. Poor Little Cripple Lady, so bored in the 'burbs.

Lost Treasures

"Puberty Pals."

Brilliant.

Noteworthy Names

The latest installment from the ever-growing list of names that have caught my attention:

Winston and Elma Dowdy
Benjamin Franklin
Ledoux Elgee ''Boots'' Riggs Jr.
Delmus Gus Laird
Prof. Jefferson Tester, researcher
(Miss) Epiphanny Prince
Patti Burger
Crystal White
Idella Diggs
Turk Huckins
Loretta Dibble
Frances Hunter Fischer
Elaine Hunter Coward
Dawn Deane
Hilton Felton
Carrie Minefield
Abraham Lincoln
Glovenia Bell
Theoria Boone
(Mr.) Vanrex McCullough
Chickie Penrose
Cleave and Pettery Shrewsbury
Summer Shin
Hattie Bullman Spillars
Carrie Swindler
Kelda Fludd
Jasmine Rumph
Fern Field
Gail Wind
Lionella Houser
Diane Sugar Stickler
Elnora Cuffey
(Mrs.) Noretezel McRae Davenport
Twila Jean Morgus
(Mr.) Williebald Brandl
Stance and Denola Beagle
Sandy Hammock
Celestina Midgett
Rose E. Cheeks
Kevin Teets
Tai-Ming Jackson Kwok
Dr. Bonnie Beaver, veterinarian
Ruby Beavers
Mona Beery
(Ms.) Karizma Williams
Lula Mae DeBerry
Fairey Bell Glover
Dawn Hazard
John Holmes
Rosa Dishroom
Badger Russell III
Weymouth Forehand
Christian Mealy
Roscoe "Rip" Van Winkle
Dixie Rader
(Mrs.) Sassi Pyle
Nellie Stinchcomb
Wilbur W. Widicus
Kitty Bean Yancey
(Miss) Wallis Jennings de Pantulf de B.M. Lord
Minerva Iceman
Lisette Booty
JNitta Leach
Dwight and Thelda Crum
Veronica Frostbutter
Colleen "Honey" Glascock
Hattie Tinch
Garnisha Valentine