[T]he biggest story in June, as well as the history of the universe, is the release of the Apple iPhone, which, in addition to enabling you to make phone calls, has all kinds of brilliant and innovative features, including AutoFondle, an application that enables the iPhone to fondle itself during those times when you are unable to fondle it manually because you're sleeping or undergoing surgery from wounds you sustained when friends or co-workers finally lost it and beat you senseless to make you shut up about your freaking iPhone already....
In his masterful recap, Dave Barry describes 2007 as "a year that strode boldly into the stall of human events and took a wide stance astride the porcelain bowl of history." Indeed.
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