Elvis on a pin head? The Statue of Liberty in the eye of a needle?.jpg)
Equally colorful but not quite as painstaking is some of the "nail art" on display at the Beauty Asia expo, wrapping up today in Singapore.
Some of his best songs:
We had good reason. Friends were treating us to a most excellent joint birthday present: Lypsinka's latest show, "The Passion of the Crawford." If you've never experienced Lypsinka, I encourage you to do so. She's in Wigstock (the full-length 1995 one) if you can't see her live. It's no substitute, but it's better than nothing. Her Web site is also quite entertaining.While the bathrooms at Texaco stations tend to look like something you might encounter upstairs at one of Whitney Houston's repossessed homes, you'd nevertheless think a woman used to peeing in zero gravity would be adroit enough to navigate her lower lady parts to hover without actually docking with the filthy cigarette-burned, yellowed plastic of a public toilet seat.Betty Bowers finds dots to connect between Lisa Nowak and Anna Nicole Smith and also asks, "Is rehab replacing Jesus?"
We used to play [basketball] in these small towns; the guards were almost invariably named after flowers — there would be Lily, Rose, and Violet. The forwards were always jewels — Ruby, Pearl, and Opal. But it was east Texas, so everybody had two names, you know, like Ruby Jo, or Pearl Ann. And they always wore pink plastic curlers in their hair during the games so they’d look good at the dance afterwards. Meanest women I ever met.This 1993 speech, delivered at Smith College by Molly Ivins (Class of '66), is among her best work.
Assuming these folks know their market, today's Christian wears nothing but T-shirts and sweats. And his love of food must be right up there with his love of the Lord, because these natty garments are available in quadruple extra large. Gimme a big ol' hallelujah!
Don't miss the "GymWear" section, three glorious pages of head and wrist bands. I guess when Jesus is on your side, you're prepared for anything. Except perspiration.NEW WORDS FOR 2007
TESTICULATING: Waving your arms around and talking bollocks.SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die.
PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
ADMINISPHERE: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. This is often affiliated with the dreaded ADMINISTRIVIA – needless paperwork and processes.
OH-NO SECOND: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a big mistake (e.g., you've hit “reply all”).
GOING FOR A McSHIT: Entering a fast-food restaurant with no intention of buying food; you're just going to the bog. If challenged by a pimply staff member, your declaration to them that you'll buy their food afterwards is known as a McSHIT WITH LIES.
JOHNNY NO-STARS: A young man of substandard intelligence; the typical adolescent who works in a burger restaurant. The "no-stars" comes from the badges displaying stars that staff at fast-food restaurants often wear to show their level of training.
MONKEY BATH: A bath so hot that when lowering yourself in you go: “Oo! Oo! Oo! Aa! Aa! Aa!”
SWAMP-DONKEY: A deeply unattractive person.
SINBAD: Single working girls. Single income, no boyfriend and desperate.
AEROPLANE BLONDE: One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a “black box.”
GREYHOUND: A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.
MILLENNIUM DOMES: The contents of a Wonderbra – i.e., extremely impressive when viewed from the outside, but there's actually nothing in there worth seeing.
PICASSO BUM: A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she's got four buttocks.
TART FUEL: Bottled premixed spirits, regularly consumed by young women.
BREAKING THE SEAL: Your first pee in the pub, usually after two hours of drinking. After breaking the seal of your bladder, repeat visits to the toilet will be required every 10 or 15 minutes for the rest of the night.
MYSTERY BUS: The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in the toilet after your 10th pint and whisks away all the unattractive people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.
MYSTERY TAXI: The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before you wake up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a 10-pinter in your bed instead.
Some Kevlar would be nice.
