Do You Jacquoff?

Of course you do; you wouldn't be reading this otherwise. The real question is whether you enjoy it.

If anything I've posted has made you laugh -- even in a sad, hopeless, or demented way -- please consider sponsoring me for the Walk to D'Feet ALS. It's a great cause that's near and dear to me for obvious reasons, and it's the only annual occasion when I beg. (Unless you count attention, which I seek incessantly.)

Many of you have already given generously, for which I'm profoundly thankful. The rest of you can find your way into the warm embrace of my gratitude by clicking here.