All Thai'd Up

Last week Dan put his car on Craigslist, where it was promptly snapped up by an adorable woman in her mid-20s. A fairly recent arrival from Thailand, she showed up with an entourage of two female friends and one male. Only the guy spoke fluent English.

The test drive took so long, we were joking about filing a police report when we got a call for directions. They were lost.

Ten minutes later, they burst into the Holler. The man glanced around and declared, "Your house so neat and clean, Mr. Dan. But not your car."

It was like an invasion of hummingbirds. They fluttered around, examining one object, then another, chattering and giggling all the while. At one point all three women surrounded Devo on the couch, stroking him simultaneously.

"He sad," they decided.

"That's just how he is," Dan explained, not entirely convincingly.

Then came the questions.

To Dan, for no obvious reason: "Are you ecologist?"

"No. I work for the Northern Virginia Regional Park Authority."

"So ... biologist?" she offered hopefully. He was a little sorry to disillusion her.

The man was even more inquisitive. When he first saw me, he asked Dan: "Is he your friend?"

"He's my partner."

This threw him, but not for long. Scrutinizing a framed photo, he said: "You're taller than him?"

"No," I replied. It seemed easier than: "I used to be a hair taller, but probably not anymore, what with the ALS and all."*

Unsatisfied, he turned to Dan, who'd missed the exchange: "Is he taller than you?"

"Yes."

Not surprisingly, this led to queries about the state of my hearing and comprehension. Which in turn led to a series of questions about my health. After earnestly imploring me to try meditation, he changed tracks completely.

"Is okay if I take pictures?" he asked, whipping out his cell phone and pantomiming.

To our bemusement, he proceeded to snap photos of our profoundly ordinary IKEA kitchen, our bathrooms, and other unlikely subjects.

When they finally left, I said: "You just sold your car to Hello Kitty."

* The first time I met a group of Dan's lesbian amigas, one of them exclaimed, "Oh my god, they're the same size! Where's my camera?"