Thursday, April 16, 2009

Curb Your Enthusiasm

What if you threw a party and nobody came? Again and again, day after day.

Nicole and I have a running joke. We call it different things, but the gist is that I'm a stripper in search of an audience. I put on two shows a day: just before and just after my shower. The stage is my bathroom, and the performance is always the same: the world's slowest, most awkward pole dance.

Despite living on the ground floor, I don't bother putting the shade down. Dan imposes strict blackout restrictions, but when he's off duty anything goes. If someone's going to go to all the trouble of peeping, I say they deserve to see whatever they can. It's called hospitality.

No takers yet, and I've been peddling my wares for a year now. I often glance at the window during my awkward pirouette - sometimes I even give a winsome wave - but there's never anyone there. I'm considering sending Nicole out with a sandwich board to announce my showtimes. Come one, come all, to the Grossest Show on Earth! You won't believe your eyes!

3 comments:

Verlene said...

You need a good stripper name...

Laura said...

Could you put it on a webcam? This housebound girl could use some entertainment.

Mykljak said...

I would never do that to a friend. I don't even look in the mirror myself, except when it's unavoidable or morbid curiosity gets the better of me. It's like one of those quasi-medical freak shows on Discovery or TLC.